So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
