Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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