I hate your face
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
