haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
