I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
