Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
