Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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