he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
