I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
