What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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