Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
