By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
