that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
