i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I need to calm my uterus...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
