Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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