"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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