It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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