so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
