gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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