I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
