I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
