lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
do nipples grow back?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
