So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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