put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
