im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am available for nakedness
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
