I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
