The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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