summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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