Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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