I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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