The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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