I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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