I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
