You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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