I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
