I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
