i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the day after is always just damage control
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize