for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
