So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
