My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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