onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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