I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
