dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
