I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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