FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
