A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
