Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
