I wish I could teleport
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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