Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ttyl tear gas
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
