so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
