we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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