just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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